you end up on a date with Reasons For Dating someone who seems to be your dream man. He calls and texts when he says he will. You’ve got many shared interests like yoga, cooking, and drinking fine wines. He’s kind, intelligent, and makes you laugh. He has a great job, and he hasn’t done any jail time. On paper, he’s the perfect match. It’s like the Universe finally answered the call you put out, and ChinaLove.com you can’t quite believe your luck.
Sounds great, right? There’s just one problem. The physical attraction isn’t quite there. It’s not that he’s a bad-looking guy (far from it), but the chemistry feels off. You’re not entirely sure what it is, but there’s a disconnect, and you wish there weren’t.
So, what do you do when this happens? Should you be dating someone you’re not 100% physically attracted to? Can that attraction build over time? Or is it unfair to keep dating a guy when you’re not fully into him, only to break things off in the near future?
Keep reading because I’ll be answering all of these questions and more.
Things to consider when dating someone you’re not physically attracted to
Do you want him or just want a relationship?
When you’re ready and open to meet someone and have a strong desire for a relationship, it’s easy to confuse that desire with attraction for someone. You don’t feel it for this guy, but you want to because you want to find love. So maybe you’re trying to force it to be a fit when it’s just not.
So before you go any further, ask yourself if you want someone in your life or this man in particular.
Are you emotionally distracted?
The second thing to consider is what else is going on in your life. If you went through a messy divorce or breakup, had a big career change, or have been under a lot of stress recently, this is likely to have flung you into an emotionally distracted state.
When you’ve already got too much on your plate, it’s difficult to be attracted to anyone, and it’s unfair to try and start something new when you don’t have the emotional capacity for it.
Give yourself the time you need to work through these emotions. Be honest with the man you’re dating right now. Only start dating again once you’re in the right head and heart space.
8 Reasons for dating someone you’re not physically attracted to at first
1. It takes the pressure off dating
The first reason why I would recommend Dating Someone you’re not attracted to is that it takes a heap of pressure off the dating process.
Do you remember the last time you met a guy who looked like the leading man straight out of a hit rom-com? Chances are you automatically became more self-conscious and found yourself in a fluster. Maybe you were trying hard to impress him or even presenting a version of yourself that you thought he would like. This is normal.
Remove the physical attraction, and you’ll no longer feel self-conscious about how you look, how you sound, or whether you’re interesting enough. There will be no pressure to “perform.” It’ll feel easy and comfortable, the same as it does when spending time with a friend. And you can focus all your energy on building emotional attraction with this man and seeing if your personalities and values match.
2. Remember that physical attraction fades – Reasons For Dating
When you’re thinking long-term, it doesn’t matter how sexy you both are or how sexy you find each other. Because that physical spark will always fade over time, this is normal. Eventually, you get so used to someone’s appearance that the physical chemistry fizzles. This is as good of a reason as any to keep dating someone you’re not physically attracted to.
We live in a world that places such high importance on physical appearance. Many of us are obsessed with how we look and how other people look, most of which is perpetuated by the media. We only post photos on our social media that show us in our very best light and add filters to make further improvements. On dating apps, we make instant judgments about people based on a couple of photos of them.
Physical attraction is nice to have, but what if you shifted how you think about attraction? How attractive somebody is comes down to so much more than their appearance. You could meet the hunkiest man you’ve ever laid eyes on, only to find he has nothing interesting to say and is about as dull and dry as a cheese-less cracker.
If you’re looking for a relationship and love that lasts, it’s important to get to know guys on a deeper level and see if there is an emotional attraction.
3. It can stop you from choosing the wrong men
Dating someone you’re not physically attracted to is a great way to avoid dating men who aren’t good for you.
You might have a “type” that you always go for. But just because your type is tall, dark, handsome bad boys who have tattoo sleeves and drive Harleys, that doesn’t mean you should only date guys who fit into this narrow box. You might love lobster rolls, but does that mean you should only consume lobster rolls? No! Imagine what you’d miss out on… ramen, pizza, mac & cheese, ice cream, peanut butter cups…
If you’ve been consistently unlucky in love and believe you’re under the one-date curse, it’s time to widen your search. There’s no better place to start than dating someone who looks different from your usual type. Someone who you might usually overlook. They say don’t judge a book by its cover, but far too many of us are still guilty of this.
4. Attraction can take time to grow – Reasons For Dating
How often have you witnessed a man and a woman start as friends only to develop romantic feelings for each other? This is a classic example of how attraction genuinely does take time to build.
When you meet someone in person for the first time, you see them in a very controlled, pre-planned setting. There’s only so much of them you can see when you go for a drink or grab dinner together. You haven’t yet had a chance to see how they interact with their friends and family, how they respond to stress or act in a crisis, or how generous and supportive they are.
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Seeing a man in all of these other scenarios can make you more attracted to him. Sometimes it will hit you out of the blue, and he’ll go from being a “mergh” to a straight-up ten out of ten. But only if you give it a chance.
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5. It helps you focus on his personality – Reasons For Dating
Have you ever been blown away by how hot a man is that you couldn’t think about anything else? You ended the night knowing no more than his first name and maybe what he’d look like shirtless.
The whole point of dating is that you get to know someone on a deeper level, and sometimes, very good-looking people make it difficult to focus on that!
Dating someone you’re not immediately physically attracted to also gives you room to focus on other, more important, things like his personality. Ultimately, looks fade, but personality, intelligence, humor, and values last.